priority.

I have to admit, I feel the most spiritual in the morning and in the late evening trailing into the night. During the day, I don't feel very spiritual at all. I'm so caught up with other things that my thoughts stray from the Lord.

Today, I was sitting in front of my laptop after finishing my rounds with a heavy disappointment in my heart. How can I be steady in my faith and my devotion to Lord Krishna? I absolutely despised how fleeting my devotion was, or rather is. I would be very spiritual one day only to slink back into laziness the next day. I would be eager to perform arati one day only to feel reluctant to do so the next day. I felt so guilty. How can I call myself a devotee if I'm not a devotee? How can I advance in my love if I keep being pulled down by the whirlwind of every day life?

And then, it hit me. It all came down to priority. Just how much do I prioritize Krishna? Am I really putting Him in the center of my life? The answer was simple: No. A big, resounding NO. My pattern of engaging in other material activities, putting off my rounds, delaying arati, skipping out on listening to lectures, procrastinating on my book reading is rooted in the simple and foolish thought that I had better and more important things to do.

The truth is, it's not easy to make Krishna your main priority and to place him in the center of our universe. Maya is constantly whispering in our ears, "watch youtube videos", "watch the latest episode of the 100", "look up new anime to watch", or other mundane things. In fact, Bhuta Bhavana prabhu once eloquently put it in a lecture, "No matter your level of devotion, Maya is always one step behind you." She wants us to look her way while Krishna waits patiently and longingly for us to look His way.

And He is so patient. He has been waiting, watching us life time after life time to see if we will finally open our eyes and glance his way. He is eagerly anticipating our return to Him. He makes us His main priority so why shouldn't we make Him our main priority? He loves us more than anyone ever will and He is our ever well wishing father.

So tomorrow I'm going to try to place Him in the center of my life. And I pray that gradually, I will start placing him in the heart of every action that I carry out, every sentence that I speak, and every decision that I make.

He has been waiting so long for us to come home. I want to start my journey back to him.