a dark storm - pt. 1

There are many times in which I feel like I am struggling to stay above water. There are times in which I feel like I am lost on a field with the dark, eerie night cloaking the sky and a tumultuous storm slowly brewing around me. There are times in which I feel like I am walking through a tunnel with no light to greet me at the end.

These past few days can loosely be summed up as a string of misfortune and bad news. I hate sounding dramatic, but I honestly felt like my world had collapsed.

Whenever misfortune befalls a person or any time we encounter hardship, our first instinct is to blame others. It's completely natural! We're filled with so much rage and hurt that the only thing we can think of in that moment is to direct all that emotion towards someone else. We feel justified in our anger because we think, "this isn't supposed to happen to me. I'm a good person and I don't deserve this!" I was guilty of feeling this way. I was frustrated at my situation and I found myself blaming others and Krishna.

I thought to myself, "Why would Krishna let something like this happen?" It's safe to say that I was walking around with a dark cloud floating above my head.

Today evening, I sat down to do my daily reading of "The Journey Within" by Radhanath Swami. I cracked open the book to my bookmark and began reading. At first, my reading was monotonous, my eyes simply roaming over the words. Then, Radhanath Swami dove into the story of Sindhutai Sakpal, also known as the "Mother of Orphans", and I was completely enraptured.

The story starts with Sindhutai as a young girl who eagerly wanted to go to school but was unable to do so since she had to help her family with their herd of water buffaloes. Despite this hurdle, she would try and sneak off to attend school while the buffaloes cooled off at a pond. She would get beaten at school for arriving late and when she returned to the pond, she would get beaten by other farmers whose properties were assaulted by the unwelcoming presence of her buffaloes. Later on, at ten years old she was forced into marriage with a man twenty years older than her. She soon had three sons and was pregnant with another child.

One day, Sindhutai discovered that a local member of the mafia had a plan to exploit the village, especially the women. She immediately passed on the news to the district collector. Unfortunately, this is where her story takes an even darker turn. The mafia member was enraged when he found out what Sindhutai had done and spewed lies to her husband regarding her fidelity and chastity. In a fit of rage, her husband kicked her pregnant stomach repeatedly until she passed out. She was mercilessly left to die in a cowshed.

Fortunately, with the protection of a kind cow, Sindhutai was able to give birth to a baby girl. Since the cow had protected her from other animals and humans with its fierce yet compassionate nature, Sindhutai decided to commit her life to helping the helpless. Things didn't get any better for her though. She had no shelter and food was scarce. She settled on committing suicide by throwing herself and her child in front of a moving train. Right before she was about to do it however, she heard a man crying for food and water. In that moment, she knew this was God's way of telling her to fulfill her promise to help the helpless.

Sindhutai later went on to adopt many orphans. As people recognized her selfless work, they gave her a structure to safeguard the children. She became known as the "Mother of Orphans". Over time, the number of children she adopted swelled to over a thousand and many of them went on to become doctors, engineers, farmers, and teachers. Today, Sindhutai has over 270 awards and is invited as a speaker in many different countries.

It was a beautifully inspiring story. I was completely moved by Sindhutai's courage, compassion, and perseverance. More than that however, I was captivated by her unflinching faith and devotion in God. Radhanath Swami states in that chapter,

"Much like the Tree of Life, Sindhutai's life reminds us never to lose hope even in the darkest times."

As I read this line over and over again, tears welled up in my eyes. Sindhutai had endured so much in her life and yet she still had so much conviction in God's plan for her. She mentioned that she discovered the "magic in her life when, like her own helpless baby, she had cried for God's grace." When Sindhutai was beaten by her teachers and the farmers, she didn't blame God. When she was forced to marry a man twenty years older than her and have his children, she didn't blame God. When she was beaten unconscious and left for dead, she didn't blame God. And right when she was at the brink of death, she surrendered to God. She took shelter of Him and allowed Him to guide her and create a path for her.

In the same way, we should have full conviction and faith in Lord Krishna. No matter what misfortune or hardships we may experience, we should never let our faith dwindle and our devotion fade. We shouldn't let our love be a one way transaction.

(continued in the next post)